"I'm lost again
but this time I'm fine with where I am"
~ Mating Ritual, 'I'm Just Alright'
I'm kind of "meh" on running right now. I'm not complaining about it or feeling sorry for myself. I've just lost my groove a little bit. Maybe it's because I just ran five big races in a span of two months and I'm fried. Maybe it's because I'm running to run right now with no specific agenda and nothing big on the horizon; my next marathon not being until October. Maybe it's because the next few weeks of our high school spring track season, while intense and exciting, will also be our last which is so bittersweet. Maybe it's because it's hot out. Maybe it's because I haven't discovered any fresh running music in a while. Maybe it's nothing. Maybe, despite much thought, I won't be able to put a finger on it. And maybe that's okay. If I've learned anything over the past forty three years it's that mental cycle of running, much like life itself, consistently ebbs and flows. That the emotional and physical impacts are often unpredictable. The highs are high. The lows can be really low. And the in betweens are just that. Time and space to stop, reflect, let go and, dare I say it, even lose the drive and desire for a while? Being an admittedly driven individual, just thinking it feels wrong. Like I'm cheating on a test and someone might catch me. But as I write it, I realize it's probably a good thing. Or, if not good, perhaps necessary. Part of the process, if you will. Who knows, maybe tomorrow I'll lace up, get out on the road and feel like a million bucks, ready to fly. Not likely. But maybe. And if not, I'll get the run in and then focus on the next day. Bottom line? I'm not going to stop running. And I know this will change. I don't know when. But when it starts to shift, I'll feel it. And, having gone through this before, I know that feeling, that shift, will get me excited about running again. And the weather, the music, the workout; none of it will matter. I'll just be ready to get after it again. But until then, I'll accept it for what it is. A moment, a phase, an unsolvable bleep on the radar. Just...meh.
Listen to this:
I'm Just Alright - Mating Ritual