Rosie: Mom, are you okay?
Me: Yea, Rosie. Thanks for asking.
Rosie: Why aren't you talking?
Me: I just have a lot on my mind.
Grace: But you're just eating. Isn't that all you have to think about? (what did I tell you?)
----> No response from me here, though I might have rolled my eyes at Grace. I could tell that Rosie wasn't ready to be done with the conversation.
Rosie: What's on your mind?
Me: To be honest, Rose. I'm just frustrated. I want to be able to help you with your work and I can tell that it's making you upset and I don't really know what to do.
Rosie: Me neither.
----> Insert AHA! moment when I realize that she might actually be feeling the same way I do.
Grace: Mom, if I eat half of my cucumber and half of my pepper then I've eaten one whole veg. So, I'm good to go, right?
Me: Really, Grace?
Me: Yea, Rose?
Rosie: What's for dessert?
In the end, we all moved on to dessert. We needed a shift and we were all craving something sweet. I went out to walk the dogs in an attempt to unwind a bit. My mind was on overdrive. And I found myself asking - in Rosie's case - what can I do differently, how can I make learning more fun for her and less painful for both of us, how can I find the patience to help her, and in Grace's case - WTH?? Yes, these are my mom issues at the moment, and I am fully aware that they are not big ones. It's all relative. But, lately I've felt as though I'm kind of treading water. I'm trying to work through it, but I'm never really making it up to the surface. As a mom, I'm wondering if you ever really do break through. Or maybe, we just have a lot of little mini breakthroughs but the pool is just so damn big. In reality, it's probably not supposed to be easy. What would be the fun in that? Maybe the challenge is the whole point. Much like running. At least for me. And as a mom, and a runner, I'm learning that a little bit of crazy is not such a bad thing.
Listen to this:
Baby Don't Lie - Gwen Stefani