Wednesday, October 12, 2016
SAME PROCESS, NEW PERSON
I've been running for over thirty years. From an injury standpoint, not only have I had my fair share, but I've dealt with everything from a stress fracture to an ingrown toenail and lots of crazy stuff in between. There is no question that some injuries are very clearly worse than others, but in the grand scheme of things, they all suck. And the more you love/want/need to run the more they suck. I now realize, as I work my way through my most recent affliction, that the process of healing, regardless of the injury or how bad it was, is pretty similar every time. From an emotional standpoint, excitement and fear are always the big players. And the head and the heart are often battling it out with the body, which, in the end, is the one who is calling the shots. On Monday, I laced up for the first time in over a week after my tragic run-in with a metal door (post here). I was stupidly excited to run again. I was also scared shitless. All the 'what-ifs' instantly flooded my brain.
~ what if the wound opens up again?
~ what if I fall again?
~ what if it hurts too much to keep going?
~ what if something else happens?
But, I had been given the green light to go, so regardless of the 'what-ifs', I went.
One step, two steps. Pause.
One step, two steps, three steps. Okay. This is okay.
I think it is. I'm pretty sure it is. No, it is.
Let's keep going.
And this is how it went. As a driven, sometimes gritty, maybe even a little crazy, runner, I was anything but, as I made my way gingerly through four, slow miles. When it was over, I was happy I'd gotten through it, annoyed that it still hurt, angry about the whole situation and eager to try again the next day. It was a pretty powerful punch of emotions and it was tricky for me to navigate. Much like the process itself will be as I work my way back to where I was before this injury took me down. Do I believe that things happen for a reason? I'm still chewing on this one. Ultimately, I would never wish an injury on anyone. But the process of healing, as difficult as it may be, undoubtedly leads to good things. Acceptance, change, growth; I'm wading through all of them and I know I'll likely end up in a new place both as a runner and as a person. I have to believe this is who I want to be moving forward as I start the next chapter. What happens after that? I'll have to wait and see. But, I'm pretty excited about it.
Listen to this:
Breaking Free - Night Riots