"So what if I fall?
Better that I tried instead of nothing at all
Yeah, I can say it's my fault
I really don't mind, at least I gave it a go"
~ Better Now, Odesza (w/ Maro)
It's been a little over a month since my last race and between then and now I've been walking the fine line between peak marathon training and total shut down. I'll try to break it down without getting into too much detail. In a nutshell, the bunion on my left foot, which I've had for a very long time but has never been an issue, recently started hurting on a daily basis. As I tried to figure out how to deal with it, while also continuing to train, I was unknowingly favoring it which resulted in a strained hamstring that ultimately got so tight and painful I could no longer push through. In early March, I started P/T at Wellness in Boston and my treatments included Graston, A.R.T & Shockwave Therapy (details on these treatments are on their site if you'd like to know more). This provided instant relief. But in the process of playing with various tools (ie. gel spacers, cushions, etc) to help relieve the pressure of my bunion and, yes, continuing to train, I started feeling notable pain in the second toe of the same foot, both on top and underneath. So by the time race week rolled around I kind of felt like the left side of my body was a hot mess and I was just barely holding it all together. But, I also felt like I needed to race. I needed to know if my body could handle it. I wanted a test drive, if you will, to determine whether my April marathon was even in the cards. And I wanted to run and hang out with my Whirlaway teammates who don't get to see very much and really enjoy being around. So, I made a plan. I would go to New Bedford and give it a shot. If the pain in my foot got too high I would drop out around mile 4 or 5. If it was manageable, I'd just see what I could do with the goal simply being to run hard and finish. And that was that. So, it's Saturday before the race and I'm in Fitchburg, MA with Grace for a soccer tournament. Naturally. We were spending the night at a hotel with the team. For fun. Oh, and I had a two hour drive from Fitchburg to New Bedford in the morning. Such is life. Both Grace and I laid our gear out for game/race day.
The top two photos are my stuff. Both my uniform as well as all of the many things I'd be using on my foot and hamstring before the race.
This bottom image is Grace's stuff. She's super organized and really cares a lot about keeping everything neat and together. Clearly. Both of us had a pretty restless night as our room was near the elevators which dinged often and the walls of the hotel were thin so we could hear all the other soccer teams who were also there for the tournament and having a grand old time with their teammates. In the hallway. Again, such is life. My alarm went off around seven and I immediately went down and got myself a cup of shitty coffee from the lobby. I tried to wake up and get ready while staying quiet for Grace who was still asleep.
I found myself chuckling about the absolutely terrible coffee that I was using to jumpstart my day as well as the fact that I had no idea how the race was going to unfold for me and there was nothing I could do about it. I made Grace get up before I left to do my hair. I felt kind of bad but she needed to be up anyway so she didn't lose much sleep. Plus, I needed a race day braid. Sorry. Not sorry. It's good. She gets it. I went over to Dunkin' to grab myself a real cup of coffee for the drive but their machine was broken. I had no words. I just took off. I got down to New Bedford easily and parked in the lot that the Whirlaway team uses each year as a meeting spot. For the first time that I've ever done this race the weather was looking good. No wind. Not freezing. Not snowing. Perhaps a peace offering from the running gods for the broken coffee machine? I walked down to the YMCA, picked up my number and met up with a few of the Whirlaway gals. We turned it around pretty quickly, going back to our cars to drop stuff off and head out for a warmup. As we jogged, I could feel a dull ache in my foot. It wasn't awful but I was guessing it was how it was going to feel for most of the race so I tried to assess whether or not I'd be able to deal with it for 13 miles. I did coat it with Aspercreme, which is basically a numbing agent, when I got back to put my number on. Who knows if the stuff works but I've been trying it all lately. We got together for a team photo before we made our way over to the start.
Photo by Leslie Poitras
Our unofficial team photographer, Leslie, took this one for us. You can see we are a huge group of runners from multiple cities and states. It's a ton of fun when we get together for these things. It's not easy to get us all to stop and gather in one place for a picture but we did the best we could.
Lauren and I lined up together as we usually do. We have done a ton of our training together for this cycle and I take comfort in knowing she's around me when I'm racing. Strength in numbers and all. Clearly Lauren was super fired up about getting started. That or she was frustrated about how long the process was taking. Just kidding. Totally my doing. I just caught her by surprise with the pic. Sorry, LT. After a lovely poem and the National Anthem they finally sent us off right at 11:00am. Ready or not.
Photo by Leslie Poitras
THE RACE
Miles 1-4 (6:14, 6:24, 6:25, 6:31)
For the first time, maybe ever, I wasn't super stressed out as I took off. I've been struggling with so many dumb issues between my foot and hamstring and I just truly had no idea what to expect. Obviously I was hoping to run well; hell I was hoping to just finish, but I wouldn't have been surprised if neither of those happened and I would have had to be okay with it as I'm the one who decided to play with fire. Looking back, I think this helped me as I didn't feel pressure to run a specific time or to stick with a race plan. I just let it flow and hoped my body would let me know what it could handle. It's been about a year since my last half and while I felt like I was as fit as I was for that one, I wasn't struggling with injuries back then so I could use it as a benchmark but it would be a shaky one. Which meant I was going to aim for around a 6:30 pace give or take a few seconds and see what happened. As you can see, mile 1 was a little quicker than planned but it was downhill so I wasn't too worried about it. I locked in for miles 2 and 3 to what felt like a good pace and just settled down and worked to find a rhythm. Mile 4 was a climb; long, steady and really tough so I knew I was slowing but I decided it was no longer worth looking at my watch from that point on. That I would just run by feel, try and stay focused and use the force.
I made it up and over the hill and then picked it back up to the pace I had started with. Honestly, it's faster than I've run before and I wasn't sure if was smart but I didn't feel like I was working too hard to hold steady for a few miles and I just figured, why not? If I had to back off, I'd back off. But I wanted to see if 6:15-6:20 was sustainable for a bit. I saw Dave, our team manager, at mile 5 and nodded to him signaling that I was going to keep going rather than drop. Now I was in it for the long haul. The pain in my foot was about the same as it had been before the start and while I noticed it, it was not so intense that it was distracting me. How about that for runner's logic? Lauren was running about 10 feet in front of me and she is like a metronome; always very even paced and smooth so I focused on her back and worked to follow along at a distance.
Photo by Leslie Poitras
MILES 9-13.1 (6:28, 6:21, 6:15, 6:18, 6:31, 5:35)
At mile 9 we made a sharp turn and began to run along the water. Usually this is where the wind kicks in and all hopes of a PR are dashed. To our good fortune, Mother Nature threw us a break and all we had was a dense fog in front of us, which was weird but also kind of cool to be running into. I got passed by quite a few people here. They were literally flying by me on both sides. I was not looking at my watch so I just assumed I was slowing down and did nothing about it as my body was calling the shots now and this is the pace it was moving at. After a couple slower miles I was able to reset and get back on track, and to be honest, I knew I was almost done so I'm sure that helped me find that last bit of energy for the final section of the race. The most brutal part of this course is mile 13 which is all uphill. Like, the entire mile. I knew it was coming and I was dreading it big time, but I also knew I'd be done right afterwards and told myself to quit my whining and attack the hill as best as I could. I rolled down the back side and turned to see the clock which said 1:22 and change. HOLY SHIT. WHAT???!!! I sent it with everything I had left and crossed the line in 1:23:30 which is about 2 minutes faster than I've ever run a half marathon. I was f***ing floored. And over the moon. And my foot immediately started throbbing. But I didn't care in the least. I had given all that I had on the day and that happened to more than I ever dreamed I had.
Two big lessons here. Age is just.....your age. Sure it limits you but no more or less than an injury or bad weather or a sick kid at home. Yes, you have to do the work and it does get really hard as you get further along in your 40s and beyond but you just have to get creative and figure it out. If you want it badly enough, you just do it. And second, you truly never know what's going to happen. You can predict all you want and make a plan and train at a specific pace and control everything that you can control but there is still an element of surprise every single time you line up. And for me, that makes it all worth it. That is what keeps me coming back for more. That and the simple fact that running in and of itself continues to bring me so much joy. Next up for me is the Cheap Marathon on April 10th. My foot has been very angry with me since the race so I'm trying to work through and see if I can make it to the start. If it happens, I'll be thrilled. If not, that's okay, too. I'm just 47. I've got all sorts of time. To be continued.
Better Now - Odesza (feat. MARO)