"DIFFERENT" TRAINING

"Fall in love with taking care of yourself.  Fall in love with becoming the best version of yourself but with patience, with compassion and respect to your own journey."

~ S. McNutt

The week after my last marathon I did no running or exercise of any kind.  After all of those weeks (months, years) of training, I'd earned the right to relax and unwind and I was really craving the time off the road.  It was wonderful.  The next week (yes, a week) I eased back in with some short and easy runs.  Not surprisingly, my legs were heavy and my overall energy level was pretty low.  But I was fine with it as I knew it would take a few days to shake the dust off.  The third week out I was still taking it slow but, in regards to my body, things were finally starting to click back into place which felt good.  This week I began to pick up my mileage a bit because I have a half on Thanksgiving which I am running "for fun" and I want to feel decent if possible.  But I was still not doing any workouts because I wasn't ready and I really didn't want or need them yet.  By the fourth week out, from a running standpoint and, if I'm being honest here, just in general, I was feeling off kilter both mentally and physically and I was having a hard time dealing with it.  So there it is.  Four weeks.  I kind of knew they were coming, the post-marathon blues, but I guess I'd hoped I'd be able to embrace the post-race high a little longer this time around since I'd finally hit my goal.  No dice.  Right after Baystate, my coach and I made a game plan for my next phase of training.  We decided to focus on getting faster in the half with the eventual goal of running a faster marathon.  This meant racing multiple halves in the spring of 2019 and then we landed on Chicago for the following fall.  This also meant for the first time in six years I would not be training for a spring marathon.  As you may know, I've been nose to the grindstone for the past three years, consistently running 70-80 mile weeks with minimal breaks between marathons.  And as tough as that has been it is what I've gotten used to.  In a sick way, I have learned to love it.  I'm now on my fifth week out from the marathon and not only do I miss it, but I feel a little lost and unsure of myself as a runner.  It sounds a little ridiculous when I say it out loud.  But, it is what it is.  A couple days ago, I reached out to my close friend and teammate, Sasha Gollish, a pro-runner up in Canada.  I had a feeling she would not only understand what I was going through but would probably have some words of wisdom or encouragement for me.  I was right.  On all of it.  She's been there.  Done that.  Talked about it.  Worked through it.  Helped others through it.  And was ready and willing to hash it out with me.  I'm just going to go ahead and share our conversation for a couple reasons.  First, you'll likely be able to pluck some pieces of her wisdom and use them for yourself.  Second, maybe you're dealing with something similar and will find strength in numbers.  And finally, because in laying it all out there, I'm facing it and working through it myself.  I won't lie and tell you that I'm a little embarrassed and that I debated posting this because of how frivolous the issue sounds.  But, I'm human.  And so are you.  And we all have our demons.  Better to step up and fight them rather than pretend they're not there.  Or, at the very least, invite them in for coffee and see what happens.

Me: Question for you.  I feel heavy and off my game both mentally and physically.  Do you ever get this way after a long and/or brutal training cycle?

Sasha: I think that is the emotions playing with you.  You've been running so much your body comes to crave it.  So in attempt to get you out the door and running that much again it tricks you into feeling heavier and off.

Me: That makes sense.  I'm trying to allow myself to take the time to enjoy lower mileage and a low maintenance regimen but it's also hard for me after going at that level for so long.

Sasha: I know it's amazing what our minds do to us.  It was so hard for me, too. (post-Berlin marathon)  SO hard.  But I talked it out and try to manage my brain.

Me: I know this sounds nuts, but I feel guilty a lot in what I'm not doing.

Sasha: Oh, I know that feeling.  I find that when I write about it and talk it out, it goes away.  You're going through all the same emotions.  So next time you feel guilty just say, hey brain, we’re going back to training, just not yet.  It calmed down the voices in my head.

Me: Ya. I really need to try and relax. But I feel weird bc I do it to myself.  I train like a crazy person and have been doing it for so long to try and break the 3 hour barrier.  And now that's done. So when I'm out running easy and working so much less, it feels like I’m slacking, like I’m letting myself down.

Sasha: Ok, so these are the words that really are the root of your feelings, or at least I think so. 
SLACKING
1)  You’re not slacking. Actually taking the rest and doing the things you need to do takes courage and a lot of strength.  But because they are not the norm, both in our daily lives, and the societal norm of training we get tricked in to thinking rest is bad.
LETTING YOURSELF DOWN
2) Oh my gosh, this is the emotion I carried with me for 6 weeks post-Berlin. From food to training to life. I had to remind myself how important the down time was, the weight gain, the recovery.  I had to remind myself I’m not letting myself down.  This is the build up post-breakdown. So I flipped it.  I’m bringing myself up so I don’t let myself down when I go back to training.

Me: That’s such a great way to look at it.  In fighting the feelings, I am getting mentally stronger.  In not training, I am letting my body rebuild.  I think, honestly, that at my age I’m scared of losing my fitness.  I pound so hard.  I can’t believe my body hasn’t given out. So I know it’s good to take a break.  But I don’t like feeling “out of shape” which I know I'm not, but comparatively.  And I'm worried I won't get it back.

Sasha: I have called my recovery time training time. It’s worked wonders for my brain.  It’s just "different" training.  I find it useful to say, I’m out of sharpness not out of shape.

Me: Yes.  I love that.  And thank you. 

Here's my takeaway.  This recovery and downtime is all part of the process.  It's the "different" training.  And it's necessary.  I need to accept this challenge just like I would any other.  I also need to remember that there is a reason that I'm making these choices and that in the long run they are good for me and will help me reach my goals.  And finally, I need to work through the tricky stuff now because it's helping me gain the mental strength that I'm going to need as I head into this next chapter.  Oh, and one more thing.  Sasha?  She's the shit.

Listen to this:
Weight Lifting - Katie Herzig