"And if you abandon all your hopes
and dreams, you'll find
That it's no use to be tender or
that you had tried
Oh, that you had tried"
Frankie Rose, 'Anything'
Sunday night I laid out my gear, ate some dinner and then watched a very bad movie to kill time before I went to bed. Standard procedure. My plan was to get up at 4:30, have some coffee, walk my dogs, drive into Boston, park my car at the hotel where Lauren and Amy were staying and then walk with them to the bus which would be leaving for Hopkinton at 6:45. So, I was tucked in with lights off at 8:30pm. I know, crazy early. As usual, my eyes popped open before my alarm and I was up and moving at 4:25.
Clover, who lives for food (first) and attention (second), was right at my feet as I headed downstairs. Enzo, our strange little rescue dog, was like, Dude! It's the middle of the night. What is happening right now? Can you please close the door behind you and be a little quieter. Thanks. Clover and I hung out for a bit and then, much to Enzo's chagrin, we went for a walk in the dark. The weather was ok; as predicted, a little chilly and slightly misting. Not terrible racing conditions if it stayed this way. But you and I both know that never happens when you want it to. I took off for the city at 5:30am and made it over to Copley Square with no issues which was lovely. I found Amy and Lauren easily and we gathered all of our gear and walked over to the buses.
We found a spot to sit and wait as they weren't loading for a few minutes and we wanted to get off our feet. Note that Lauren and I saved our blankets from our last Boston marathon which was a pro move as they were perfect for keeping us warm and dry and then could be easily tossed when it was go time. The ride out to Hopkinton was about forty five minutes and went relatively smoothly aside from when our driver slammed on the breaks to avoid hitting the bus in front of us as we got off the exit. That got the heart rate going a bit. We unloaded and headed over to the post office which is where our team always meets and waits before the start. Quick shout out to the below race volunteer. Normally, if you leave the official start area, which we were doing, you have to walk all the way back to the beginning of the official entrance to get back in which is about a half mile from the post office. Lauren thought to ask this guy if he'd let us sneak through the gates when our wave was called so we didn't have to do the extra walking. He just winked and said come find him when it was time.
Inside the post office we were warm and dry and had our own bathroom for the next two hours which was pretty much as good as it gets for a pre-race set up. We were all incredibly grateful for this. I stretched a little, put my legs up for blood flow, ate some more food and tried to stay calm. This is also when I started to notice the soreness in my rib/armpit area. Whenever I moved my arm to stretch or grab something or did anything abrupt like cough or sneeze I would get a little jolt of pain. Obviously, this was making me nervous. I asked around for Advil but then decided against it in fear of potential stomach issues. Lauren tried to ease my mind and tell me it would be fine once I get going which I appreciated and hoped was true. Maggie, Lauren and I were all starting together in Wave 1 so at 9:40 we said our goodbyes to the rest of our crew and headed over to our assigned corrals. True to his word, yellow jacket guy let us into the start area by quietly opening up the gates for us. Bless him. The three of us wished each other good luck and then went to our corrals. Right after the below photo was taken it started to rain. Steadily. Impeccable timing, as always, from Mother Nature. I tried to keep moving in my little square as I waited the twenty minutes for the first two groups to get going and then reluctantly handed over my blanket just before 10:00am. Then, finally, we were off. Giddy. Up.
THE RACE:
Miles 1-6 (6:56, 6:42, 6:41, 6:38, 6:53, 6:38)
I had two goals for this race. I wanted to run smart. And I wanted to help my team take the Masters title. If I was able to do both of those things, I thought a good time and perhaps even a personal best was in the cards. My training had gone well and I trusted it. If I ran in control, I was due for a good day. My goal pace was around 6:45 per mile so, after navigating a pretty crowded first mile, I gradually clicked into a rhythm making a point not to go too fast down the first section of the course. This first 10K went by smoothly and I was feeling both confident and excited.
Miles 6-12 (6:38, 6:40, 6:51, 6:40, 6:46, 6:48, 6:41)
I stayed right on track for the next 10k. I watched as people flew by me during this section taking advantage of the downhill ride. Rookie mistake, I thought to myself with a smug grin on my face. We all know the race doesn't start until after Heartbreak Hill. And if you don't, well, I'm sorry. Buckle up because it's gonna be a hell of a ride and it's probably gonna hurt. I started to feel a little low on energy at the end of this section so I grabbed one of the Maurten gels with caffeine that they were handing out and hoped that it would give me a much needed energy boost.
Miles 13-21 (6:47, 6:50, 6:55, 6:43, 7:10, 7:07, 6:57, 7:08, 7:31)
And it did for a couple miles. But then, I faded again. My legs were just feeling so heavy and tired. I didn't have any pep whatsoever and I'd really lost my rhythm. At the halfway everyone was looking up at the camera, waving, smiling....YAY, WE'RE HALFWAY. I was like, holy shit, we're only halfway. For the next few miles I could not do anything other than look at my feet and plow forward. If I saw the mile markers I knew it would stress me out because I wasn't even close to the finish. I also could no longer look at my watch. I didn't want to know my time anymore. I just wanted to get through the hills in one piece. As you can see from my pacing, the wheels were wobbling but by no means falling off. I sure as hell felt like they were, though. But then, I looked up and I was at mile 19. I could not believe it. I'd gotten through eight miles and most of the hills and I was okay. Not good. But okay. For the next 1.8 miles I could not stop thinking about the fact that I had to use the bathroom. People talk about peeing in their pants while they run. For the love of Pete, I tried. Because I did not want to stop if I didn't have to. But it was not working. My mind was like, yea, no way. We're not programmed to do that and it's just not gonna happen. Finally, I stepped off. It had to be done. A mother was helping her toddler in the single porto where I'd stopped. The door was open and they were talking, mom was giving her a, “great job, kiddo”. I was like, “can I please use this? Like, now?” She graciously grabbed her daughter and moved out of the way and I quickly took care of my situation. When I was done, I looked at my watch for the first time since the half. I was floored to see that I wasn't that far off my goal time. And even more so to know that I only had 6 miles to go. I remember thinking, LET'S F***ING GO, Rebecca. You can do 6 miles in your sleep.
I was now able to see the light at the end of the tunnel. And I was pretty damn happy about it. I was smiling. I was looking around for the first time in the race, seeing the crowd, soaking up the noise and feeling the vibe. I was even passing people, likely those who'd gotten too excited at the start and flown down the first half. Sorry, guys. Now you know. I was going to be okay and I knew it. I felt like garbage. My rib hurt. My legs hurt. My shoes were waterlogged. The rain was getting heavier with each step. But I was getting it done. I turned left on Boylston and felt the joy rushing through me as I slogged toward the finish. I knew it wasn't the time I'd wanted. But it was damn close. And it was one of my biggest, and ultimately my best, mental battles ever in a marathon. And there have been many. Thirty to be exact. Thirty freaking marathons. I was so proud of this one. So, so proud of the effort and the fact that despite wanting to give up and walk or even quit a few times, I'd kept it together and finished the damn thing. Final time: 3:02:06.
When I saw the photographer as I walked to get my blanket I made a point to stop and document the moment. I wanted to remember this one. This was a good one. This one is worth telling the grandkids about some day. And then the heavens opened up. Literally. It started pouring buckets. Hard, cold, driving rain. Obvs. A volunteer gave me a second blanket to hold over my head and I shuffled to the hotel to find Amy and Lauren and get out of my wet clothes. It was about a half a mile walk to the hotel. It felt like a second marathon. I heard my name from behind me and it was Lauren. I almost cried. Never have I been so happy to see a friend. Not just someone I love, but someone who had just done what I did and who understood how I felt without any explanation. It was so what I needed right then. And bless this woman. We got up to her room....HER ROOM...and she let me take a hot shower first. Now, granted, she couldn't get her shoes off, but still. That is next level selflessness in my book. So much love for both her and Amy who got me through this training cycle, the day itself and will most likely be with me when I line up again. We didn't take the Master's title. We came in second. We were heartbroken. We lost by one minute and eleven seconds. Basically, my bathroom break. Sooooo, yea. In some ways, though, it didn't matter. All three of us had fought tooth and nail to give everything we'd had for each other and that is a beautiful story, one that I will always cherish.
Speaking of stories. When I woke the day after the race and turned to get out of bed I screamed so loud the neighbors probably heard me. My right side was so sore it was like knife blades were shooting through me when I moved it in any direction. I mean there is post-marathon soreness but this was something else. I consider myself pretty tough but I was not okay. And everything I did, putting socks on, sitting down, standing up, coughing, sneezing; holy hell, a sneeze. The pain was excruciating. I ended up going to the doctor, mostly for piece of mind because I knew there was likely nothing I could do for it. I just really wanted to know what was going on. And he confirmed, that, yes, the rib was broken. An x-ray wasn't necessary. He could hear the click of the bone in his stethoscope when I took a deep breath. He was baffled. "You fell about a week ago. Why does it hurt so much now?" I smiled. "Well, I had a slight increase in activity recently", I told him. He finally got it out of me. "YOU RAN THE MARATHON???" he said as he laughed out loud. I smiled and shrugged. Had to be done. Who knows if this impacted my time. It doesn't matter. The day unfolded as it was going to. I was just along for the ride. A ride that just keeps getting crazier every year. What's next? A little healing. Some rest. And then back in the saddle like always. Same horse. New ride. Let's go.
Listen to this:
Anything - Frankie Rose